Pipe Club of Norfolk

The British Championship: A Three Day Event

We (Secretary Garrard and Vice Chairman Walker) started out from Norwich on a warm Saturday morning heading for the West Midlands. After three trains and a bus we eventually arrived at Knowle, where a refreshing pint of Bass awaited us. Sitting in the sun outside The Wilson's Arms we were joined by Tony Larner (and about 150 Football supporters from the local British Legion who had just seen the Football World Cup on the big screen). After a few more pints we decided to have a wash and brush up before our evening meal. An Indian restaurant was the choice, and we enjoyed such delights as Lamb Bhuna and garlic nan, the evening was rounded off in The Vaults, an excellent real ale pub.

Sunday morning, a hearty breakfast and the morning papers in the sun, where we read all about England's 1-0 thrashing of Paraguay. We arrived at the Old Silhillians Club to be greeted by our fellow team members, trade stands were perused and I for one resisted the temptation to buy yet another pipe. We were split into two teams for the championship, an A team of 5 and a B team of 4. Dr. Plumbs were packed with 3 grammes of Samuel Gawith's Westmoreland Mixture, the signal was given, and 46 smokers lit up. Our main man Len Ellis did us proud by finishing 2nd behind the runaway winner, ember chasing Andrew Briggs. Len's time was 1:29:17, other Norfolk places were 11th John Walker, 12th Reg Walker, 13th John Betts, 16th Keith Garrard, 17th John Eason, 21st Colin Wylie, 22nd Dave Polhill and 25th Tony Larner. We all received prizes for taking part and most of us won raffle prizes. The event was once again excellently organised by the Birmingham boys. Hopefully this won't be the last.

Sunday evening and the intrepid three met for a wonderful Thai meal washed down with South African Chardonnay, chosen by the Secretary. Sunday night quiz at The Red Lion was the next thing on the agenda. We have finished last in this in the last three years, but this year we spoiled our record and did quite well. After a mardle and a few more beers we called it a night. Monday and it was time for the long journey home, but not before we had a walk round Birmingham and sat in the park in the sun and watched the world go by. A game of bowls awaited me on return to home soil followed by a few pints of Young's Bitter back in the local, not a bad weekend at all, just a pity I didn't the championship, the quiz or the bowls.

Three Men on the Bummel: Five more in a Vauxhall

An alternative report on the British Championship 2006

Thanks to the generosity of PCN in subsidising travel expenses and entry fees, a larger than usual number of members had entered for this year's British Championship. Three of the hard core, who would do anything to spend a weekend on the razzle, had opted to journey under their own steam, and stayed two nights in luxury at the Knowle Hilton (so exclusive you won't find it in any hotel guide) dining at various gastronomic centres of excellence.

Five more (Messrs Walker J, Betts, Wiley, Ellis and Eason) travelled to the wilds of Warwickshire in a hired Zafira. Thus it was that at eight o'clock on a hot Sunday morning your correspondent found himself standing beside the A11 marvelling that life did indeed exist at such an early hour, and hoping to goodness that his garbled instructions had been understood by the expedition's leader- Walker, J. he need not have worried, for at the appointed hour the People Carrier duly appeared and stopped to pick him up (though probably only after a split vote among those on board- the deadlock being decided by the Chairman's casting vote, as he needed another body to make up a second team). The arrangements were that we should pick up John Betts at Thrapston (where your correspondent had a nasty accident some years ago- more details some other time) and so with Colin Wiley at the wheel we proceeded west.

Arriving at Thrapston, one of the team lost a considerable amount of money when the large bet he had placed on Betts being late (coupled with Japan to win the World Cup) went belly up in the first leg. After a refreshing cup of coffee and a small morsel or two to sustain my inner self, the party proceeded with Betts at the wheel. I had not realised until then that John is merely an anglicization of Juan and that his middle name is Fangio. But after overtaking Jensen Button and posting third fastest time in the free practice session for the British Grand Prix, we returned to the motorway and arrived at the Old Silhillians Sports Ground only five minutes after leaving Thrapston.

Well, perhaps that is a slight exaggeration, but we couldn't resist it, no more than we could miss being made welcome by the members of the John Hollingsworth's Pipe Club who organise the championship. Shortly after we arrived three hung-over characters (Walker R, Larner and Garrard) arrived with tales of drunken orgies and overindulgence that I will not repeat for fear of offending you, dear reader, but only to say that the revel had ended with a late-night (or early-morning) Vindaloo, of which more later.
While most of the party renewed old acquaintances, and wandered among the tempting trade stands, your correspondent settled down to a small helping of Lasagna con patate fritte, just to refresh any parts of the inner self that he might have missed at Thrapston.

And so to the contest. As always, full details and times elsewhere, but readers will be relieved to hear that conditions were calm and generally mild (except next to Messrs Walker R, Garrard and Larner, where they were decidedly wet and windy, due to the aforementioned Vindaloos) as we packed our Dr. Plumb pipes with a popular mixture from the North West extremity of the Kingdom. But only two minutes after light-up one of the home favourites was out, and so grateful not to be the winner of the Golden Matchstick, or this contest's equivalent, we proceeded among the usual stony silence, interrupted only by erudite remarks from various aficionados (Have you heard the one about the Englishman? etc. etc.).

There were two nasty accidents during the contest, both fortunately causing no lasting damage to the contestants concerned. One left the hall for urgent sanitary reasons only to drop his pipe in the porcelain receptacle provided, while another (Norfolk) contestant experienced a nasty blowback and a jet of warm brown fluid, location unspecified, which put paid to his hopes. The suspected cause was Vindaloo poisoning. I will say no more.

We all did very well, in my humble opinion, especially our Captain and Chairman, Len Ellis who smoked his way to a brilliant second place. We were all awarded with generous prizes for our efforts, and much more importantly we nearly all won prizes in the raffle, Colin Wiley winning first prize of a handsome pipe by new Swedish maker (Sven Goran Eriksson) and the sum of £100 for his favourite charity, RNLI.

And so back home with Walker J at the wheel for the last leg after dropping off Betts at Thrapston. A wonderful day. My thanks to all concerned, especially those who drove, and most of all to the home club for making it such a splendid and friendly occasion.

Those of you who are not fans of the Victorian author Jerome K Jerome, may wish to be aware of his definition of the German word Bummel... ... ' I should describe it as a journey, long or short, without an end; the only thing regulating it being the necessity of getting back within a given time from which one started... .we have been much interested, and often a little tired. But on the whole we have had a pleasant time, and are sorry when'tis over.'

Norfolk Placings

Old Silhillians Club, Knowle, West Midlands

11 June 2006

Westmoreland Mixture

Dr Plumb Giant

2	Len Ellis	89:17
11	John Walker	53:49
12	Reg Walker	52:58
13	John Betts	50:54
16	Keith Garrard	48:49
17	John Eason	46:56
21	Colin Wylie	44:20
22	Dave Polhill	43:54
25	Tony Larner	42:14

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